Susan Johnson Music

Didn’t See It Coming

I didn’t see it coming, didn’t hear the rumbling

But here we are 

I didn’t see it coming, didn’t feel us tumbling

How’d we fall so far

You had it locked and loaded ‘fore I reached our front door

Insult in the chamber meant to tear the heart and soul  

A tally of my failings, of where I’d fallen short

Not risen to your standard, not one slight ignored  

I didn’t see it coming, didn’t hear the rumbling

But here we are 

I didn’t see it coming, didn’t feel us tumbling

How’d we fall so far

Empty bottle on the table as you exited the room

Did it give you liquid courage to finally speak your truth

Or had it fueled unrighteousness anger, let you alter storylines

A lifetime of history rewritten in your mind  

You know darkest parts in me

Thought you knew it wasn’t the heart of me

Can we pretend respect remains

Now that words have left their stain

Can we forge a path ahead 

Learn to care, to trust again

Or must we forever more

Dance ‘round eggshells on the floor  

I didn’t see it coming, didn’t hear the rumbling

But here we are 

I didn’t see it coming, didn’t feel us tumbling

How’d we fall so far

How ‘d we fall so far

Forget Me Not

Dust and time spun in the corner

From the first trip we made, until the last

The cottage of my young summers

Oh the days moved so slow, time flew so fast

We had ice cream cones and sparklers

And a Harlequin romance, /Grandma had stashed

Faint smell of cigarettes 

From Grandpa’s old habit, /a long time cracked

We’d run to the lake, shoes left on the porch

By the dock the forget me nots grew by the score

Forget me not, forget me not

Giddy when that screen door slammed

Fishing poles and farmer tans

Forget me not, forget me not

Those summer days of freedom

Were the very seed of the best of me

Forget me not    

The old shed out in the back

Smelled of mildew and daring escape

Rough oars, faded rowboat

Pulling hard on the oars across the lake

Hiding out in the cat-tails

Lying  back, staring up, clouds passing me by

Fueled by pbjs and pringles

I was dreaming of leaving childhood behind

Return ‘cross the lake, paddling on to the shore

To the dock where forget me nots grew by the score

Forget me not, forget me not

Giddy when that screen door slammed

Fishing poles and farmer tans

Forget me not, forget me not

Those summer days of freedom

Were the very seed of the best of me

Forget me not

Please tell me can time    

Cease moving on     

And circle back round 

Another day of lying 'neath the clouds

Is it too much to ask        

To recapture that past

Another day barefoot in the grass

Forget me not, forget me not

Those summer days of freedom      

Were the very seed of  the best of me

Forget me not, forget me not

Those summer days of freedom 

Were the very seed of the best of me, the best of me

Forget me not

Nana’s Song

She was more than salt of the earth, her flesh and her bone

Raised up from the land around her, from seed her hands had sown

Spread love with red velvet cake, made as a healing balm

Sifted through knotted fingers, measured in her deep creased palm

When I sink my toes in the earth will my roots push in the ground

When I lift my hands in the air will I feel your joy around

When I raise my voice will I sing your same song

When I open my arms wide does your love come rainin’ down

My nana she could shimmy, shake in her house coat

She’d sing of lambs si divy and mare’s and dosi doat

If you asked her what time it was, she’d tell you with a wink

“Time all fools were dead”, she’d say, "Ain't you feeling sick”

When I sink my toes in the earth will my roots push in the ground

When I lift my hands in the air will I feel your joy around

When I raise my voice will I sing your same song

When I open my arms wide does your love come rainin’ down

I have lived a life of ease, not of seed and not of stone

I know your spirit is part of my own, essence knitted into my bone

So I’ll sink my toes in the earth, push roots deep in the ground  

I’ll lift my hands in the air and feel your joy around 

I’ll raise my voice and sing your same song

I’ll open my arms wide, feel love come rainin’ down

Feel the love come down, 

Feel the love come rainin’ down

No More to Give

A thousand tiny cuts you made, promising love was your blade 

You needed to mold me, that's what you told me 

You needed me afraid

Nothing left except to carve up,  all those things that used to be us        

My cup, your spoons, the love and the wounds

Our life that was never enough

Now I can't be with you, I’ve got no more to give you

I'm torn and I'm busted, ashamed that I trusted your truth   

Now I can't be with you, I’ve got no more to give you

After the packing, will I be lacking, or new?

I can still feel the echos, slivers of hope caught in my bones

I know moving out is not moving on

Time to pull out those splinters and grow

I won't spend one second smaller, shrinking down so you feel taller   

I won’t trim branches for your second chances 

I'm hurt but I will grow strong

Now I won’t be with you,  I’ve got no more to give you

No more exceptions, I’m changing direction for good

Now I won't be with you, I’ve got no more to give you

I'm torn but I'm mending, not broken just bending toward true

And I'm through with you

Missing You

Standing out in my backyard, when I was growing up

Stood an old dinner bell and a rusty water pump              

My daddy had brought them there, from land where he was raised         

To remind him of loved ones gone, the path they had paved

The bell to recall the joy of family gathered                  

The pump to honor their hard work that truly mattered

These are the lessons that he gave us

But he was gone ‘fore he saw what they made us 

It’s not the missing you, it’s everything you’ve missed

Wishing you were here right now, not wishing for the past

Now our joys are bittersweet, we’re lonelier in defeat

It’s not so much the missing you, it’s everything you missed

Your children, all three of us, we grew up straight and strong

Now with families, children of our own     

You told me when we three were born, you understood God’s grace         

Those grandchildren see that light in their parents gaze

To them you’re only the stories that we gave them

But they know the trail of love that made them 

It’s not the missing you, it’s everything you’ve missed

Wishing you were here right now, not wishing for the past

Now our joys are bittersweet, we’re lonelier in defeat

It’s not so much the missing you, it’s everything you missed

I brought that pump and dinner bell to my home in Carolina

They stand in my backyard now, a daily reminder            

You got me my first guitar, though you couldn’t sing a note           

I still can’t sing Delta Dawn, without a lump in my throat

I drive a mustang ‘cause you did, how I wish you knew

Tucked in the visor I keep a picture of you

It’s not the missing you, it’s everything you’ve missed

Wishing you were here right now, not wishing for the past

Now our joys are bittersweet, we’re lonelier in defeat

It’s not so much the missing you, it’s everything you missed

Hard Water

I was raised on hard water, spewing up from the well

Left a deep bitter taste in my mouth, from that sulfurous hell

Tried so hard to rise above, build a bridge up and out of my past

But I learned a path leading onward, can also drag you right back

Some bridges, they need to be burned

There are lessons that should never be learned

Some bridges, they need to be burned

There are lessons that should never be learned

Carried that water with me, ‘till it spilled all around

Bitterness that rose up and surrounded, leaving me waterbound

Some bridges, they need to be burned

There are lessons that should never be learned

Some bridges, they need to be burned

There are lessons that should never be learned

Now I’ll wade into cool clear water, bubbling up from a heavenly spring

Cup my hands, raise them up, take a long cool drink

Some bridges, they need to be burned

There are lessons that should never be learned

Some bridges, they need to be burned

There are lessons that must be unlearned

There are lessons I must unlearn

On the Fringe

Sarah’s sittin’ on the schoolyard fringe, sittin’ on the outside lookin’ in

There’s a place for you, I know it’s true

Long time since I’ve seen your crooked grin, long time since I’ve seen you with a friend

No one to break through the walls round you

Outside I see nothing but blue skies,  only rain reflected in your eyes

How I wish I knew what would comfort you

Do you feel you need to be disguised, forced to wear a mask to help you hide

Or is it true I just don’t see you

Our dreams for you were so different, nothing so grand or specific

A passion so great that you chase it, love so strong you embrace it

If we change those dreams are we giving in?

For now it is enough just to sit with you, not invent a role for you to fit into

I’ll see it  through your point of view

Thunder Remembers

The storms exploding,  power reloading 

But there’s a trembling, a quiet reckoning,

The fires igniting, atmosphere frightening

But it's the simmering, that’s lingering

‘Cause the thunder remembers what the lighting reveals    

The stones hold the story when warning bells peal

Never yield, never yield, never yield     

Oceans rising, coast revising

Waters seething, all revealing

Rivers flooding, left with nothing

Lives are scattered, hope is shattered

‘Cause the thunder remembers what the lighting reveals    

The stones hold the story when warning bells peal

Never yield, never yield, never yield     

The seeds of tomorrow, crushed under our plow                 

It is the frail form of the future for whom the bell peals now

Still the thunder remembers what the lighting reveals

The stones hold the story when warning bells peal

Never yield, never yield, never yield

Adjust Your Eyes

You used to love the sunshine 

Face turned to the sky, a contented sigh

Now your life just casts shadows 

Your pain unspoken, feelin’ broken

Adjust your eyes to the light

Regrets are blinding, become a binding

Adjust your eyes to the light

Step out of darkness, believe in promise

Adjust your eyes

You used to love the firelight 

Hands warmed by the flame, heart warmed just the same

Now the spark only burns you 

With blazing gashes, down to ashes

Adjust your eyes to the light

Regrets are blinding, become a binding

Adjust your eyes to the light

Step out of darkness, believe in promise

Adjust your eyes

Adjust your eyes to the light

Regrets are blinding, become a binding

Adjust your eyes to the light

Step out of darkness, believe in promise

Adjust your eyes|

You’re not forsaken, the world is waiting in the light

Am What I Am

 That little girl came in this world a little brighter than the rest     

Pushin’ every boundary, passing every test 

Never learned to walk a’tall, ran on her first try       

Only started running ‘cause she had no wings to fly 

Little town couldn’t keep up, a tempest in a teacup

Looked the world straight in the eye and stomped her foot to say 

I am what I am now, ain't what I ain't 

Got things to say now, don't tell me I cain’t

I am what I am now, ain't what I ain't  

Got places to go now, don't tell me I cain’t, don’t tell me I cain’t

She grew into a beauty, didn't pay that any mind     

Didn't listen to the rules, ’cept the golden kind 

Played bass in her rock band, loved Dylan and Janice too

She made sure that she had read every book they banned in school 

Little girls tried to be her, old folks tried not to see her

Left that town, no lookin’ back, just one thing to say

I am what I am now, ain't what I ain't 

Got things to say now, don't tell me I cain’t

I am what I am now, ain't what I ain't  

Got places to go now, don't tell me I cain’t, don’t tell me I cain’t

Thank God for all those little girls

Who grew up wanting more

Daring to be difficult

Not going with the flow

She never gave up, helped others raise up

Lookin’ back, she sees the girl who stomped her foot to say

I am what I am now, ain't what I ain't 

Got things to say now, don't tell me I cain’t

I am what I am now, ain't what I ain't  

Got places to go now, don't tell me I cain’t, don’t tell me I cain’t

Don’t tell me I cain’t, that I cain’t

Moments (Song for Lynn)

Heard you this morning

Jazz piano floating by me

Pain and beauty on the breeze

I heard you this morning

Saxophone was sighing

Minor second to the five

Vocal line ascending

Both healing me and rending

Then in that moment, for a moment, life was sweet, again

Saw you this morning

A little girl was twirling

Pink lace skirt was swirling

Saw you this morning

Lit up, her face was shining

Recognized you in her eyes    

I’d seen you with that same delight          

Hair and hat and scarf just right

Then in that moment, for a moment, life was sweet, again

When we laid you down to rest 

Should have known you’d never be content

To lie there, to say goodbye there  

That your heart and soul would scatter   

Weave in every tune when we gather        

Still with us, still gifts to give us,

And in those moments, for those moments, life is sweet, again

Yes in these moments, for these moments, life is sweet.... Again

Wind and the Stone

No one moves silently on this earth

Footfalls gentle or hard,they will be heard

They leave their mark, they leave their mark

The leaves, they shift beneath our feet

Stirring secrets underneath

The path ahead has twists you can’t expect

So choose the muse who guides your steps

Trouble can urge us on, urge us on

Or possibility propel along

Lead us to the light beyond 

Let me tell you as you go

Of the lessons learned on my road

Wisdom of the tree and wood

Of the wind, the wind and the stone

What will you do when the wind comes up

Will your core stand strong or just erupt

A shell that pulls away, that pulls away

Or will you stay as you belong

Sheltered by those who make you strong

The steepest stone, so hard to scale

Can lead to fear, a chance to fail

Don’t draw back, don’t draw back

Strive where the sun’s gleam is

Embrace the challenge, lean in

Let me tell you as I go

Of the lessons learned on my road

Wisdom of the tree and wood

Of the wind, the wind and the stone

My Heart Was Built For Home

I’ve not climbed every mountain, but I’ve climbed enough to know

The stalwart stand of listing pines, branches lined with snow

The beauty of the meadow, each bloom born from sto...ne                     

No, I’ve not climbed every mountain, but I’ve climbed enough to know... to know

That my heart was built for ho..me, My heart was built for home                     

The wonders I have gazed upon, Will shape me for the days to come

But my heart was built for home

I’ve not sailed every ocean, but I’ve sailed enough to know                                      

The roar of mighty waves that swallow every sound              

A sky so deep and dark, very star can sho...w                     

No, I’ve not sailed every ocean, but I’ve sailed enough to know... to know

That my heart was built for ho..me, My heart was built for home                     

The wonders I have gazed upon, Will shape me for the days to come

But my heart was built for home

Slippers by the fireplace, my pup across my feet                  

Coffee in my favorite mug, that book I’ve longed to read      

Seasons out my window, that familiar trees will mark

But mostly it’s just because, our home, that’s where you are

I’ve not climbed every mountain, but I’ve climbed enough to know... to know

That my heart was built for ho..me, My heart was built for home                     

The wonders I have gazed upon, Will shape me for the days to come

But my heart was built for home

Yes, my heart, my heart, was built for home

Prayer for My Day

Lord breath Peace in me this day

Untangle the bramble/ of my gnarled nerves

Unwrinkle my soul so it can heal

Lord breathe peace, breath peace

Lord breathe Love in me this day

Help me take the high road/ and not lay others low

To Hear those with whom I disagree

Lord breathe love, breathe love

Lord breathe Hope in me this day

Don’t let me pull dark clouds out from their silver shrouds

Trust that light will lie ahead

Lord breathe hope, breathe hope

Lord breathe wisdom in me this day

Help me set my feet on the path that lies toward truth

Even when it leads away from my ease

Lord breathe wisdom, wisdom

Lord breath hope and love, Lord breath peace, breath peace